Birthdays and Family Traditions

I accepted a challenge to write a blog post daily for a month, and because today we have a birthday in the house, I decided to write about it.

When it comes to birthdays, we have a few family traditions, like breakfast in bed, a personal date with the birthday child, a breakfast date has become quite popular among the older children these days, and a cake with the family by the end of the day. We did few birthday parties for the ones that have theirs during the summer, but early on I found out that I am not the right person to organise parties. It would end up very chaotic by the end and the child would end up not really enjoying it because their mom was stressed the entire day.

Today my philosophy is, the simpler the better, if the child feels loved and accepted, all efforts are appreciated.

I often laugh at the fact that five of my eight children have birthdays close to each other. Two in December and 3 in January. Springs must have been a busy time at our house few years ago 😊!

Since I became a single mom, I have tried to stick to the traditions, it is not always easy, but I try to take the child on a date and then have a cake with everyone else in the evening.

I do not know if you read my last post about us all having covid now, but that situation made it a little challenging to know what to do for Lucy’s birthday.

Lucy is my youngest child, only few birthdays but almost each of them she has spent either in hospital with asthma issues or at home sick, seems that there is always something happening on her day.

 Becky’s birthday was on Monday, so the moment it ended, Lucy could talk about nothing else but her sixth birthday that was coming up, Tuesday we got our first positive test for covid, and poor Lucy got her positive on Wednesday.

She was so angry: I hate Covid! she said. Why do I always get sick on my birthdays, it is not fair!

I told her I would find a way to do something and then when we are better, we can do our proper date.

Thanks to my amazing neighbours, we had a cake and cupcakes, I was well enough this noon, so I took Lucy on a drive, we went to one of my favourite spots and had one hour for ourselves. We had homemade pizza and fish cakes and she is happy enough

How do you celebrate your children’s birthdays?

Here are the links of little videos I made to register the birthday we had this month.

Judah turned 14! Here it is!

Becky turned 13! My sweet girl.

Lucy turned 6! My forever baby 🙂

When Covid hit our Family

I knew it was going to happen at some point, here we are, almost 2 years since this pandemic started and we were hit by the virus.

When my children were little, I used to be terrified of the vomiting bug, I remember the first time it hit the whole family, we had 4 children and it was savage! The kids started waking up during the night, 30 minutes between each other and vomiting all over, by the time one bed was made someone else was waking up crying and repeating all I just mentioned above.  Fun memories!

Today I can say, I have gained a bit of experience to the vomiting bug because ever since 2009 we have been hit by it almost every year, today my children know exactly what to do, from the eldest to the youngest, the moment they feel sick they call for the bucket, no more carpets or beds are messed up by it.

For the past 2 years, I avoided Covid, I tried to distance as much as I could, I did what was advised and taught my children to do likewise, but I knew that with the children going to school and socialising we would eventually get it. I am glad it took us this long to happen, it seems that everyone is having it these days.

Tuesday at 5am my son come to me and said: Mom, I think I’m dying! (Drama is part of our family 😊) he mentioned he couldn’t stand up properly, he was shaking and dizzy, no flu symptoms at that stage, he also said his head hurt, I gave him paracetamol and sent him back to bed. I worried, because for a moment Covid was not my concern, but later when he woke up, he was worse and I decided to check for covid, I had an antigen test at home, and sure enough: Positive!!

That morning, before I took the covid test, only one child went to school, everyone felt off, I let them stay home. I’m glad I did, because after he tested positive, few more tested positive too. I called the schools, and my angel neighbour has been a blessing, she went shopping for some supplies of food and medicine.

Thankfully the children are very resilient and are recovering well so far. We are on day 4 since the first positive test, all feeling a bit miserable but doing fine. A lot of boredom going on, a house filled with sick kids and now a sick mother too, not the nicest place to be, but I’m confident saying that despite the sickness, bad moods and all that comes with many kids being stuck together in one space, we are ok 😊

Situations like this reminds me of how fragile life is, one day we are all go and suddenly everything must be postponed. I had meetings and different appointments booked for this week, all seem unimportant when dealing with the health and wellbeing of our loved ones and the protection of others.

I am looking forward to the days when Covid 19, is just another something we must watch for, like the vomiting bug, something that we dread but with time and experience we will know exactly what to do when it hits ourselves or the ones we care for.

Have you been hit by Covid? How was your recovery? What are your tips?

Yesterday is Gone!

Happy New Year my friend.

We survived another year of a world pandemic and that for sure made all our other problems seem a little more complicated. But here we are, 2022!

I have not written anything in a while, my life has taken a turn since my last post, and I feel hopeful.

 I have moved house and I now settling into a new life. Found a church we like, made new friends, reconnected with old friends and the kids are settling in their new school.

Housing is still a worry as where I am is just a temporary solution, but thankfully I doubt I will ever be in that situation again.

I would like to thank everyone here who prayed for our situation, helped financially, and reached out to me with encouraging words. I felt loved and blessed to have so many people all around the world routing for us.

I have goals for this year, one of them is to focus on my mental and physical health. I want to be well to be able to be a better person. I want to be the best mom I can be.

To me 2021 felt like just a continuation of 2020, it was like 2020 never ended… I now know that it was not just because of the pandemic, I had unresolved issues carried over, things that I needed to deal with in my own brain to be able to move on to the next step, and now I feel this time has come. Time for Dani to do what it needs to be done to totally let go of the past, and I mentioned once on a different post, sometimes we need to let go of good memories as well as the bad ones to fully experience healing, which is what I plan to do this year.

Starting fresh, no looking back only forward yesterday is passed and it no longer should affect my today unless it is to teach me something.

2022, here I come!

Whatever comes my way!

I woke up with a strange feeling. It was almost like I already knew my day was not going to be a good one.

My nose felt colder than usual, not sure how it is where you live, but in Ireland January is a damp and cold month, of course it doesn’t help if you run out of heating fuel and that is exactly what happened on that cold monday morning. 

I woke up thinking of how our school day was going to develop through the day. In the past, homeschooling was my passion, why do I dread it so much these days? Thoughts of the past and of the now rushed through my mind, and my cold nose started bothering me. Pandemic, Lockdown, not able to see dear ones face to face, being limited to where I can go and who I can see, thoughts of loneliness usually go through my mind during my wakeup times. And that cold monday morning was no different.

Ugh, it is 7am, too early to call the oil company, almost late to get up and start my day, but the thought of walking down stairs in that cold, dark morning, wasn’t convincing me to do it. 

8am, this is it, I better get up, I listen to a song a friend sent and things seem a little brighter. If there is one thing I struggle with is a cold house, it seems like there is nothing we can do to warm up.

I called the oil company and they were efficient, told me they would try to be here as soon as possible, mind you, this company knows they are dealing with a single mom of 8, as my son would say: Use the single mom with 8 kids card only when extremely necessary, I think being in a freezing house during one of the coldest days in the year, was a good enough situation for that card, right?

As I wait for the oil to arrive, we homeschool, that uneasy feeling still bothering me, school was going well enough, children were up, I made a nice warm porridge  for those who wanted that, other had eggs and we were on a good enough track, but the feeling wouldn’t leave.

The oil arrived and I went out to talk and ask why we ran out of oil so fast, I had filled it just a month ago, when I was out there I saw the sewage, OMG!! I don’t think I ever saw an overflowing sewage before, gross is the best word I can describe what I saw. Thankfully, my landlady and husband came to our rescue and before lunch we had heat in the house and the sewage problem fixed.

More things happened during the day, issues with the children and personal self realisations. I can honestly say that I felt like a huge wave was crushing down on me, there were many tears shed that Monday. I’m thankful I have friends I can lean on. Sometimes having a listening ear helps tremendously, prayers were lifted but another day was over and when Tuesday came I knew this was a new day,the pain suffered on monday didn’t need to upset me on tuesday.  Let each day bring its own battles. 

When days like these happen I question a lot, self pity, victimising myself in my own thoughts is a practice that I try to avoid at all cost, it brings me no gain.

The best I can do is look at others that have endured things that are by far much harder to deal with than my daily issues, not saying my life’s troubles aren’t valid or enough to upset me, but I am saying that even though all of it hurts and it is hard to live with some of my struggles, when I consider others struggles or even if I consider where I was at 1 year ago, it helps me to be thankful that in many ways my situation has improved, and even though it is far from settled and stress free, this journey isn’t over, there will be ups and downs, but today I choose to take what comes my way, tears or not, I’m ready!

Count Each Day

Happy new Year everyone! 

For those of you who wondered where I was gone since my last post, you know, the post where I wrote about my many goals for the month of November, well, well. 

Things didn’t turn out exactly how I had envisioned, many unplanned obstacles came our way and changed a lot the course of the end of the year for me and the children.

Thankfully, I have an amazing family and friends, people that have encouraged me during what I could call so far, some of the hardest days of this single parent journey of mine. 

I have had moments of real hopelessness, it is strange how our brain plays tricks on us, those are the times we need friends in our lives that will talk to us and put some sense back into our minds or just be there to listen so we can find our own way back to reason.

During the month of December , my baby number seven became 7 years old and my first born became 16! I am blessed!

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For those who have been asking, we had a quiet but nice Christmas. 

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Few days before Christmas, 7 of my 8 children were sick with a cold, one child was tested for covid but it came back negative and because the others had similar symptoms the doctor didn’t feel it was necessary to test them all. 

Few days before Christmas to few days after the New year’s, we were miserable in bed, the quietness of the house was really nice,  there is not much we can do for them but to cuddle , and that is my favourite part of sick days. I don’t think I had cuddled my kids for the past year as much as I did on those sick days.  There was a day where my youngest was on my belly the whole day, it was sweet and made me think of my early days as a young mother, tired and worried. If I only knew then that cuddles are the best cure I would have cuddled so much more.

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On the 7th of January, my only son turned 13!!

It was also a snow day; we woke up to all white roads.

At first, we were both disappointed because we had planned to go out and get a drive thru McDonalds breakfast, we usually do breakfast in bed, but this time we decided to change.

We had to change our plans and went on a walk. It was lovely!

I won’t describe the whole day, but this was the first birthday he didn’t get a cake, and yet, by the end of the day he hugged me, said, I love you mom! This was my best birthday yet!!  Success Friends!

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In March 2020 when our first lockdown happened, I was not happy that our life had to change again, we spent a few months in survival mode, things settled by the end of May, when the schoolwork was no longer an issue and living in Dunmore East, that is one of the most beautiful villages I have been to in Ireland, was a great advantage. I don’t think we have walked as much as we did during that lockdown. Looking back, I can say it was challenging but we learned a lot about each other.

Now, we live in a different county, all the children are enrolled in school and again on a level 5 lockdown. 

The children were supposed to be back to school on the 7th of January after the Christmas break, the government extended the holidays to the 11th and very soon after announced that the children will be doing online school till the end of January. 

Covid-19 is no joke! 

Here we are, 11th of January and trying to do this home-schooling thing that once sounded like the best method of education and now it is like a monster coming to hunt me. 

Well, not that bad. 

I will try to post more about this crazy journey of mine. 

Life sometimes doesn’t go the way we wish or plan but it is during those trying times that we learn more about ourselves and those around us, we just need to have eyes open wide to see the beauty in challenges (I’m not there yet) 

May we all try to live each day as it comes, Rain or shine, snow or not and may we make each day counts and transform it in one of the best days yet!

When Bitterness Creeps In

For almost three years I have been  trying to remain positive and hopeful looking for good in everyone and every situation, actually I think I have been doing that much longer than three years.

When I became a single mom almost two years ago, I had to use this tool even more, many times sadness and anger would creep in and all I wanted to do was to hide in my room and cry myself to sleep, but as a mother of many  I could not do that for very long, thankfully!!  So I would tell myself : Get Up Daniela, your children need you, life keeps going and there is no time to feel sorry for yourself.  

Keeping busy has been helpful, there is no time to think about the sad stuff that has happened, focusing on good, fun and on what is next, has helped tremendously until Covid-19 happened!

It is like I’m in one of those weird movies, those where people wake up to find out they are living the same day over and over. That is what covid did to me. I’m sure a lot of people enjoy the quietness that covid brought, people are enjoying family more, appreciating nature and whatever else that is good. And I confess that I like that too, but I felt like my tool to distract myself from my thoughts and disappointments had been taken from me. 

From March to June during the Lockdown, life was crazy inside of me, I tried so hard not to let myself go into dark places, everytime I noticed a pattern of destruction I would try to stop it, and we survived. 

In June, I moved to a much bigger house. Starting a new life was something to look forward to, even if there is a lot of work involved. I had help and ever since I moved, there has not been one week that I haven’t had a friend visiting and fun things happening, I feel blessed. 

In the beginning of august I received an appointment for a surgery I was waiting for. I was happy it was finally happening but at the same time anxiety started to surface.

I wondered how I was going to manage. 

Friends from near and far stepped in and things went well. Once I was back home and had to be confined to bed for the healing process to take place, my mind brought me to places I hadn’t visited in a long time and it didn’t feel good. I had fought against bitterness for a long time, but when you are in bed with lots of time to think and rethink, it comes so slightly by the time you notice it, it is too late because it has already consumed you.

Sometimes reason is not attractive when you are worried, sad, mad and just plain bitter, when bitterness creeps in it is like you want to feed it with more negativity and I have to watch that I don’t allow it to happen.

I could write about the thoughts I had, and how for almost 5 weeks I planned to say and do horrible things, but instead I will tell how blessed I felt being carried by my community of friends. 

Some came in person, cooked meals, cleaned my house, minded my children, others called and chatted for a long time ( those who know me, know how much I appreciate that), friends from close and far, from all different sorts of walks,  God loving people who for few weeks had compassion on my family and sacrificed their time to help me with my needs. I’m thankful.

Instead of concentrating on all the bad things that were going on in my mind, I chose to write about the good, instead of thinking of all the wrong that was done to me and my family I chose to see the good that is happening everyday to us. The school my children are in, the friends they are making, the house  I live in, the angels God has put in my life, the church community here and in Dunmore East that have supported me through so much.

If I look back this past year, I could sit here and cry my eyes out telling you all the sad and very trying times I have had,  It would make all the other experiences look  insignificant but if I tell you about the amazing new friends I have made, the endless times God has provided financially, emotionally and physically through the many great people He has put in my life, Im sure not only those who care for me will be blessed but it will also remind me of how loved I am and how much He cares for me and my children. 

My fight against cynicism is a daily battle, always telling myself not all is lost, things will be ok, even if sometimes I’m not sure I’m right, I know it is the best way to keep going, I keep doing it until I believe it.

Friend I don’t know what you are going through but whatever it is my words for you are: You are not alone! God does Love you as simple as it may sound, He cares! I am here to tell the story. 

The Day I laughed at Myself

Can you laugh at yourself? Have you ever done something that should normally make you upset but instead you were able to  laugh at it?

It happened to me this week, whoever knows me well, Knows when I say that something I used to be able to do, was to laugh at myself. 

For the past 2 years things got a bit intense and I was finding it difficult to laugh at anything I did, I mean I laugh and smile all the time, but I think it is more like a cynical way to actually judge my own situation, like to say: What’s next? 

Few days ago myself and my little girls decided to have a girly night, I did their nails, brushed our hairs and it was lovely. 

I had a moment where I felt at peace, like really enjoying the moment, I don’t know when I last  felt that way. I love my children, but for the past few years, so much has happened that I have  been dragging myself, trying and  trying but nothing really seemed enjoyable, until it happened, I felt that ,at that moment there was nothing else I rather be doing.

Anyway, I’m getting side tracked here. After that lovely moment, I went to the bathroom to get my night routine done and saw that my hair needed a bit of attention. I have been struggling with hair loss, but not with hair growth. Not sure I understand that, but my hair was super long. I had a clever not so clever thought : Why don’t I copy that girl that I follow on Instagram and cut my own hair? She did it and worked!  I think this quarantine is making me bold! 

I had my nice shower and when my hair was brushed and wet, I got one of the kid’s school scissors, a comb and was set to go. First I did exactly what she showed on the videos and the ends of my hair were gone in 2 seconds, it actually worked!! The back of my hair looks super healthy now, I should have stopped there, it would be one successful story, but of course I had to keep going, I felt  I had just discovered my new career : A hairdresser!

I looked at my fringe and it looked like it could do with a little trim, and here I was the brand new hairdresser ready to chop it off. I pressed my wet fringe down and with the small school scissors cut it in one go! As soon as I got my hand off, stopping the pressure,my hair seemed to have shrunk, oh no!! What did I do? Was my first thought.. Then I started laughing, really hard… it was such a nice moment, laughing at myself, at my stupid looking hair, and I even laughed at the fact that it will grow before I even get to see anyone, I felt confident, for the first time in my life, or should I say, that I can remember, I truly didn’t worry about what people would say or think, I was glad to be an adult that feels content to be me, with my many flaws, who learned through hardships where my values lay.

It brought me back to my younger self, growing up in Brazil and how even in church we had to worry about wearing the right clothes, hair and attitude. Now, I’m not saying I will go around doing silly stuff just because I can, I don’t really like making mistakes and ruining my hair, but the fact that I can laugh at it and not worry about what people think or say about it, makes me feel so grown up.

My friend, if you are reading this, my advice to you is to let go of what is holding you back to enjoy simple moments in life. Stop waiting for something amazing to happen while many little joyful moments pass by without being noticed.

 I felt joy playing with my girls and I laughed at myself and that was one of the best days I have had in a long time, being home with myself.

This is the end result of a bad hair cut that made me laugh like a child.

When I told a friend in South Africa about the happening she sent me this video and I laughed all over again.

Quarantine Saga OF A Single Mom of 8

Laughing, crying, and shouting mixed with smiles, hugs, and kisses.

These have been my days since I became a single parent of 8.

Two years ago I became what I never had dreamed of, the thing I feared the most had become my reality. My husband of 15 years, with whom I had built a beautiful family, was now just a visitor.

It took a while for the idea to sink in. Being a single parent with 8 children was an incredibly sad thought indeed.
For the past 6 weeks we have been in quarantine here in Ireland, the children are home 24/7 and life has taken a little turn to a place that I am learning to appreciate.

When my husband left our home in September 2018, I was devastated, poor and felt completely lost. I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry for weeks, like we see in movies when they go through a breakup. Usually there is a sad song, a bottle of wine or ice cream and the actor will cry to her friends while she tries to make sense of all that just happened. Well, unfortunately, when you have children (in my case 8 of them) and no family living near me, you cannot just stop your life to recover, you must keep going. Your crying moments are in the darkest hours in the midst of the night after you finally managed to end your day and get them all to fall asleep.

In October 2019 I decided to go back to education. It was like life was finally starting to have a new normal. I became a student trying to learn a new skill to get a job and be more independent. I had been home for the past 14 years. Being a stay-at-home mom was something that I had been passionate about but now things were different; everything looked grey.

This was going to be the year of change for me. The year that all my dreams of being a perfect, stay-at-home Christian mom was going to be put away and the new business woman mom was going to come from somewhere deep inside of me, and I would discover all those amazing business skills that I did not know were there before. I would find the perfect job and never again need any government assistance or depend on my ex’s maintenance. Of course I would still be a very present mother. I would spend the weekends playing with the children, baking, and having fun would be all I would do.

I hope you were able to picture those dreams just like I did when I planned what my 2020 was going to be. I exaggerate a little as I am writing, but I guess us mothers like to dream, we imagine a world where we love doing the things that we are supposed to do. Do not get me wrong, I love being a mom and although I was never the perfect stay-at-home mom and will never be the business kind either, I dreamed because that is what kept me going when times got tough. I prayed and I dreamed.

Fortunately, it did not take long for me to wake up to the reality that my days as a stay-at-home mom are not over yet. I realised that even though life is stressful right now, and parenting alone is extremely hard, there is nothing else I would rather do. Honestly, there is not one day that goes by where I do not feel that I am just living inside a nightmare or a joke; that at some point I am going to wake up to find my life back to what it used to be five years ago. If back then someone told me that in 2020 I would be separated, being a lone parent and the entire world would be in the middle of a pandemic and because of that, as if that was not enough, I would be told to stay indoors and home-school, I would say that person was crazy! Because crazy is how I would describe all that is going on right now.

Many would ask,  how do I do this? What are my days like? 
Laughter, crying and shouting, smiles, hugs, and kisses, 
that is how I do it, one day at the time.